Musings on Bi-Polarity

I have family with bipolar disorder. I have friends who struggle with the condition and clients who have had to deal with bi-polar parents, siblings, and mates. I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist, but after ghosting a couple dozen psych books and doing what writers do naturally--watching and recording--I've come to some observations, which I offer here as just that: my observations.

People who struggle with bipolar disorder, or manic depression as they used to call it, not only have to deal with alternating episodes of feeling manic/euphoric and depressed/despondent, they must also battle fluctuating perspectives as well. They swing between feeling strong, in the right, and authoritative and a fear of being put to the test, which might betray them as normal, weak, or in the wrong. This leapfrog perspective keeps them in a constant state of anxiety, even when they feel good, and prevents them from taking chances. Better the devil they know than the possibility they might fail--or possibly even worse, succeed and therefore have to perform up to yet a higher standard. Hence, they tend to stand still, or clinging to the safety of known circumstances over the danger of disconnection. Disconnection might lead to new, better connections, but the very possibility of that radical double change presents as terrifying, and thus reinforces the cycle of arrogant self-assurance coupled with intense or deep self-doubt. Their inability to break this brain-chemistry induced cycle leads naturally to self-loathing and its auto-defense mechanism, self-aggrandizement.

None of this is conscious; I'm not sure it's even sub-conscious. I suspect it's all chemical and therefore quite beyond the control of rational discussion or standard anger-management techniques. When in a "neutral" state, a person with bipolar disorder can be extremely logical, even practical. But during a critical flare-up, that same person presents to those around him as abusive, resistant, and uncooperative in the extreme.

These reactions to chemical swings can be modified if not ameliorated by learning behavior-modification techniques and exploring true self-awareness that punctures the fantasy world of the "greater than" as well as the "worst ever" perspectives. Neither is true, but both seem to be typical of the chemically unbalanced individual. Common self-medications used to escape the pain--drugs, alcohol, food, television, video/computer games, etc. (anything that a] provides a comforting alpha state of consciousness and b] focuses attention on them) tend to backfire for relieving symptoms and thereby add to the person's feelings of persecution, thus stimulating the worst-case perspective and its auto-rebound best-ever frame of mind.

While the person struggles with the terrors and internal discomfort of chemical balance, they must also deal with the consequences of their perspective swings from family, friends, and society in general. Most of the people I know with bipolar disorder are sufficiently charming in their manic state that people gravitate to them--and then are confused, hurt, or rebuffed when confronted with the person's other side.

It's an unhappy state, not easily medicated, and very hard to control even with the best of therapists. And since bipolarity often seems attached to great creative gift, the world has a tendency to ignore, condone, and forgive many of the less admirable personality traits of the afflicted.

As I said at the top of this, these are my observations. I draw no conclusions. Perhaps in another 30 years or so, one will occur to me, or to someone of greater sensitivity and capacity than me. Meanwhile, I invite your own observations and comments.